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Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Johnny Gold: Not Quite Steady

Johnny: "Chicks, chicks, where are the chicks..."

So how goes it, Johnny-boy?

Johnny: "Hmmph."

What's up?

Johnny: "Haven't seen you in awhile. So much for being an all-seeing Controller."

Don't sass me, boy. I can still light you on fire. So, how goes the dating scene?

Johnny: "Boringly dull since you left..."

*cue flashback*

Johnny: "Baby, if I wrote an orchestral piece on the way you fist pump to da beat, I'd win awards." *suggestive brow waggling*

Elisabeth: "Aww baby, I know." ;)

Johnny: "So babe, I was thinkin'...let's speed this union along and steady our horny anchors."

Elisabeth: "...What?! I've only known you for a day, creep!"

Johnny: "... :'-("

*end flashback*

Johnny: "Now she's over there. It's so hard not to stare, the way she movin' her body like she never had a love..."

If you're trying to gain sympathy, quoting a Lil' Wayne song is not the way to do it.

Johnny: "But Creator, look at that body! I'm losin' that forever..."

She looks like a woohoo worker.

Johnny: "That's 'cause she is. Don't knock it, chick. They make tons of cash."

Johnny, it's not the end of the world. Just try again after you've spent a little more time together, ok?

Anyway, I'll end this uneventful post with a pretty landscape.

(try not to notice the stalker ice cream truck.)

Friday, December 9, 2011

Johnny Gold: Gettin' Some

Week 2, Day 2 - Monday Evening

Our resident scumbag decided to check out BlueVille's nightlife, and spotted a young woman whom he would very much like to court.

Johnny: "I'd boink the crap outta that rack. I'mma buy her a Cherry Cassanova."

John Gold, language.

Johnny: "Get off my ass, Creator lady! Shoot..."

*raises brow*

Elisabeth: "Daayyyum baby, your body is bangin'!"

Johnny: "Play your cards right delicate and I can hold it against you."

Oh no, there's two of them! *facepalm*

Johnny: "Yo sexy, wanna do it on the park bench outside?"

Elisabeth: "Oh I can't, I did that at my nephew's birthday party and I got fined for public indecency."

Johnny: "...that's so hot."

Johnny: "Sit tight, luscious. I'm gonna go buy us some drinks."

Elisabeth: "Make mine a Cherry Casanova, please!"

Johnny: "She's so perfect." *girlish sigh*

Am I the only one who finds this picture kind of, oh I dunno, stalkerish and creepy?!

So he bought her a drink...

...which lead to this...

...and this.

Johnny: "That was pretty good babe, but it could've been better. Oh, and if you need some money to increase the shelf space of your rack, hit me up Luscious. Just call me moneybags." ;)

Elisabeth: *eye roll*

Johnny: "You're not all in love with me now, are you? 'Cause baby, love is a game I don't play. The only game I don't play, if yanno what I mean." ;)

Elisabeth: "...Right. Well, this was fun, but I should get going now. I think the drink is wearing off."

Suntan: "Hey Master, look! I'm a dog! Look at me, I'm a dog! Look, Master! I'm a doooggg! I'm so smart 'cause I recognize I'm a dog! Can you teach me how to hunt like other dogs? I'm a dog!!" :D

Bonus Pic:

Even clowns need a drink every now and then. ;)

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Johnny Gold: Johnny, Bravo!

Week 1, Day 1 - Sunday Afternoon

Johnny: "Look at the rack on that brunette babe...I wouldn't mind taking that one home to Suntan. She's even checking me out. Here baby, lemme flex for ya."

Don't do that. She's thinking of babies.

Johnny: "Frack, it's always the hot chicks that are baby crazy."

Johnny: "Hey there delicate, mind if I take this seat?"

Linda: *huff puff* "Um, I guess not." *wheezes*

Johnny: "That's some sexy asthma you got there, delicate. I'm used to girls with a little more meat on their bones, but I could get use to ya."

Linda: "Thanks, but I'm really not interested."

Johnny: "Suit yourself, girl. I'll just pump up my pecs."

Johnny: *grunts* "Um...delicate? Can you spot me?" *wheezes*

Linda: "You're pathetic."

Johnny: "Hey sweetheart, where you goin'? You wanna grab some hot dogs at the burger joint?"

Linda: "You do realize I'm fifteen, right?"

Johnny: "...Oh. Oh. Alright then. So uh, is your mom here?"


Week 1, Day 1 - Sunday Evening

Johnny: "Hey girl, I found your daughter for ya. Don't worry, I don't demand payment; just some nekkid pics."

Stella: "She's been on that treadmill for thirty minutes, scum! She was never lost. And excuse you, but I have a husband!"

Johnny: "He doesn't have to know."

Johnny: "Hey baby, wanna go dancing at the Martini's Club with me? They've got a fireman's pole with a disco ball on it, and you seem like you can bust a move..."

Katy: "What the hell?! I just saw you flirting with that woman over there, dumbass! Plus, I have a boyfriend.

Johnny: "Oh you do, huh? How strong is he?"

Katy: "Why don't you go ask him yourself."

Ryan: "Hey man, I was just enjoying the beautiful vistas, and now I hear you're trying to get with my girlfriend. What gives?"

Katy: "Yeah, tell him off baby!"

Blue Shirt Guy: "Breathe through your nose, breathe through your nose..."

Johnny: "What's up with me? Dude, you should be keeping your eye on your girl 'cause she was all over me and I'm not man enough to resist such sexy. HA, your boyfriends so stupid! He's not even that big. I could take 'em."

Katy: "Baby, maybe we should leave now."

Linda: *facepalm* "Mother, I'm tired. Can we go now?"

Stella: "Wait a minute, this is getting good..."

Johnny: "Plus, you're wearing my fracking chin strap. I had that trademarked as soon as my first facial hairs started coming in. I can sue you, bro."

Ryan: *eye twitch*

Katy: "Ryan, kick his ass!"

Stella: "Okay, now we can go. Quickly, before the cops are called."

Johnny: "Run after your girl now, handsome. I've got iron to pump."

Ryan: ...

Blue Shirt Guy: "Whew, that was a workout!"

Johnny: "Why haven't you left yet, Ryan? Big man got somethin' to say?"

Ryan: "You don't know me, son. I will kill you in your sleep." *evil grin*

*dead silence*

BSG: "Whoa...did I miss something?!"

BSG: "I sense the Creator's presence somewhere in this gym..."

Johnny: "Shut up and spot me, bro!"

Johnny Gold: The Douchebag of BlueVille Island

Week 1, Day 1 - Sunday Morning

First, we take a look at our subject's abode. The best way to get to know a sim is by invading his or her personal space, after all.

His home is in close proximity to the gym and BlueVille's largest beach, which is perfect for our dear Johnny - those are his two favorite places! Who would have guessed?

Johnny's home looks like a typical beach shack, but I'm sure the interior will have something of interest.

Although Johnny is a douchebag, he is also poor. I'm sure the style of his bachelor pad would be much..."flashier", if given the choice.

To afford a beach side home in such a popular tourist location, Johnny had to accept sponsorship from SimIams. Unfortunately for SimIams, Johnny's Doberman Pinscher doesn't seem too fond of their glitchy chew toy.

Speaking of Johnny's dog, meet Suntan Gold. Suntan was adopted with the intention of impressing "chicks" with an intimidating canine friend, but Suntan grew to be a very intelligent, quiet, and friendly dog...much to Johnny's dismay.

Speaking of Johnny, where the heck is he?!

Ah yes, where every douchebag with a guilty conscience goes on Sunday mornings: church.

Johnny: "Hey Creator, service is over. Can I go take a class in Athletic?"

Don't be ridiculous, Johnny. You're not a scholar.

Johnny: "Can I go to the gym then?"

Yes, my orange menace. You may go to the gym. Let the games begin.